Honestly, I used to care too much about the way I look. I used to make sure I was ‘put together’ before I left the house. I used to get creeped out when germs got too close or when stains appeared on my clothes. Used to.

I also used to wish I could love without rules. Give without limits. Cry without restraint. Break without fear. Used to.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

She got right up in my face and spoke her Spanish slowly to be certain that I would understand. Make no mistake- I understood.

“BLANCO! Tu estas blanco!” She exclaimed. “Y tu pelo es amarillo!”

Roughly translated- I’m white. I am white and my hair is yellow.

Her fascination continued as she declared- with what seemed to be surprise- that my cheeks are pink and my eyes are blue. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Team Agapetos threw a fiesta after church this afternoon. Dripping with sweat, I found a seat on a 2x4 watching Chad and Telfer work the grill. As I sat contemplating whether to throw my hair up in a pony tail to get it off my neck or just let it go, a small group of girls joined me. Being down at their level, they were immediately infatuated with my hair.

As I tried out my Spanish, the girls played beauty school on me. Before I knew it I had several new friends and several new hairstyles. Dirty fingers wound my hair into braids, twists, pony- tails, and I only can imagine what else.

I’m not sure how to describe what I felt as I bonded with these little girls. Six months ago, I would not have been ok with 15 Costa Rican girls touching my head, let alone playing with my hair. Somehow, something in me has changed. I didn’t care. It wasn’t about my hair being clean or ‘pretty’. It wasn’t about me at all. And for some reason- I loved it.

These past two months have schooled me in the things that matter most. I feel as though most of life I’ve been deceived- deceived into believing that success is narrowly defined within the four walls of my cubicle. Don’t read me wrong- life in the States is good. Much of what I’ve invested time/ money/ my life into has been good, commendable things. Things I don’t regret. What I missed in all those things was the answer to the cry in my heart for something more.

What I have found in my dirty hair is Jesus Christ- real, alive, and moving in the earth. I love it. I still want MORE! I still want it ALL!

The curtain closes and a new one opens. As the Gentle Lamb descends the throne, he stoops down to wash the feet of a lonely man who stands in his presence. The tears of a Father wash over His son, as he reaches out to hold the one He loves. Human arms have never embraced the wrinkled, hunched man. He has known no touch like the one His Father now gives. His feeble legs begin to dance in the presence of love, mercy, justice, and acceptance.

"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13: 1-2

As we travel the world, I chop off a piece of my heart every time the bus stops long enough for me to throw a piece to whoever may be passing by. I cannot help but spill love at every turn- not my own, but the love of Christ.

Yesterday I saw compassion flow out of an entire team. Jose is the one. The forgotten. The deserted. In 66+ years he has known no family, no friends, not a single companion to share life with. His home- much like his heart- was void of human attention. But for 3 weeks, 7 World Racers will break through walls of rejection and loneliness in this man's heart.

Compassion. Compassion will break them. Compassion will change them. Compassion will leave Jose's life eternally rocked.

Why?

Why spend hours of prayer and physical labor on one man? Why desire to do so much for one?

Because Christ died for one. For him. For me. And because grace doesn't have any prerequisites.

And because it's about time the word became flesh and changed the world. It starts with these 7…

“Lord, I am after your heart. I’m after you. My heart’s beating for your heart- beating for you.”

These past few days have been a rough. The morning of our 12 hour bus ride from El Salvador to Nicaragua, I woke up with a nasty stomach virus. My body rejected everything it could while I bonded with my team in ways I never dreamed possible. From losing the contents of my stomach to a Ziploc bag on a bus full of barely conscious Racers and wide eyed Latin Americans to bee-lining every restroom between San Salvador and Managua, I have never been so humbled.

Arriving in Jinotepe late Sunday evening, I felt defeated. Unable to fight for myself, how could I possibly go out and offer myself on behalf of others? I don’t know how to pray many articulate prayers, but I know that the cry of my heart was heard by my Father.

Venturing out into ministry this morning, I wondered how 25+ people would walk- through the Jinotepe barrios and a dump without making a scene. After about 15 minutes of a brisk walk through neighborhoods of simple cinder block houses with corrugated tin roofs, the teams began splitting off and wandering into yards- laying hands on the sick, praying for those in need and offering Jesus to anyone who would stop and listen.

Walking up to Lorraine’s house, my heart began to break. Her face read helpless. Her story explained. After losing every material possession in her house to thieves, her husband left her. With several children and no means of generating income, her future is void of hope.

I have no way of comprehending the pain this woman has experienced. I have no words that can change circumstances, no experience that matches hers. I stood before her with nothing to offer- nothing but a broken heart and tears. As we stood praying in her small home, heaven came down. Jesus took my heart out, put his in, and allowed me to feel his heartbeat in my fingertips as I held Lorraine in my arms and wept with her. My weary, empty heart poured out love.

Brokenness is powerful, love can change lives, Jesus is moving. I still want more. I still want it all.

My team has been in Guatemala for about 6 days now and despite all the awesome God stories that keeping happening, I seem to be unable to sit down and write a decent blog. My frustration is complicated by the fear that our stay in Nicaragua for the next month will not provide much internet time. So in an attempt to get out what the Lord has been doing and the fun I’ve been having, I’d like to share the following…

Being on the race has been a growth experience. I love it, but I’ll be honest- I struggle sometimes. Recently it seems that the language barrier has been almost insurmountable.

Case in point…

On the van ride down from Mexico, our driver stopped to use ‘the restroom’ on the side of the road. The guys on my team had no problem with this arrangement, but I was convinced that we could have our driver find a nicer place for the ladies. When he climbed back into the van, we communicated with some effort that the ladies would like a ‘nice’ place to use the restroom as well. He nodded and drove about 20 feet before he pulled over again. He found a place that had more bushes….much nicer than the last place he had pulled over! Nice is a relative term.

One more great language story…

We found a relatively cheap hostel/ hotel for the B squad to stay at for our last few days here in Guatemala, and I was trying to figure out what rooms we would be staying in and how many people could stay in each room. Minor note- when speaking Spanish, be careful when using words that sound like other words…you may be asking how many bodies you have and how many people can fit in each body. Cuerpo means body. Cuarto means room.

The Lord doesn’t care about what language you speak…

There’s an overlook to the city of Antigua and a cross planted as a beacon over the city. The cross is visible from different places in the city, and the entire city is visible from the cross.

Sunday morning the media team hiked to the cross to pray over the city of Antigua. Overwhelmed by the love that the Lord keeps downloading on me, I asked for his heart for this city. I closed my eyes and saw in the Lord shaking the earth in the spiritual. Chains were binding the city, I could hear people crying out for help, but I could see people who were silent because they hadn’t yet realized the bondage that holds them. He whispered to my heart that this city is crying out to be set free- we are here to bring release.

The next night I sat in my bed laughing with the girls when the entire earth began to quake. We stared at each other in amazement as the windows rattled at the power of the HOLY God we serve. The Lord has not forgotten Antigua.

Hey, check out the latest World Race videos at:

http://www.youtube.com/theworldrace

This trip is all about variety- just look at its mission. But just because we’ve signed up for the world race does not mean that we are living the world race. Every day we look into faces, faces that wonder what we are doing camped out on the lawn of a church. We see heads that hang with the heaviness of depression and hopelessness. Children run through the yard- longing for a touch, a smile, an attempted word in Spanish.

It’s easy to disengage your heart, to sit back and watch the world around you silently fade into darkness. Because being the one who picks up the broken, crying, eight year- old, fatherless boy means that your half- way clean clothes will pick up the smell of his dirty, sweaty, unwashed clothes. Allowing him to rest his head on your shoulder while you tickle his back means that the ‘clean’ feeling you once had from a brief encounter with a bucket of water is gone. It means that the walls you’ve built to protect your heart collapse. Tears fall freely.

Being broken for the nations is a choice. We don’t have to carry the burden. There are plenty of ways to imitate church in Mexico as it is played in the States. It is easy to rest in our plastic lawn chairs and ask the Lord to show up without ever expecting that he really will.

All of heaven is waiting- waiting in expectation. Will they get it? WILL THEY GET IT ALL? Heaven is waiting to invade earth, to fill our hearts, and to make our hands carriers of grace and mercy. We have been called to walk only in love and to give everything. I want more! I WANT IT ALL!